My Weight Loss Surgery Journey
November 18, 2003
So alright, I am not real good about updating this page, lets see if I can't do a little bit of catch up. This will be long, as much of this page is, but for those of you beginning this journey, or somewhere in the middle of it, I hope it is helpful. For those of you just wanting to learn what life has been like for me in the past few years, I hope that you gain some insight from my incessant psycho babble. =)
Just recently I ran the man I was dating when I had the surgery. It wasn't until I saw myself in his eyes that I realized just how much I have changed. Inside, outside, sideways, forward, you name it, I am a completely different person than that timid fat chick that was afraid of nothing more than rocking the boat 2 and a half years ago. These days it seems that I do little else. Here goes, strap yourself in and get ready for the ride.
In May of 2001 I made a decision that was the scariest, hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life, and let me tell ya, it's been no picnic over here that's for damn sure. Now that decision changed my life in ways that I could not even possibly understand when I made it. I am stronger, healthier, happy, more confident and I actually love my life more often than not. That is a concept that was so foreign to me that I can't even remember what it was like to be as miserable as I now know that I was.
Ok, so I finally decided that I couldn't do it on my own. I had dieted half my life away only to gain it back, food had control of my life, and it got to the point where I couldn't even do a full load of dishes before I had to sit down because my back hurt so bad just from standing. I couldn't go to the zoo with my friends kids, I couldn't do any of the things that were important to me anymore, and I hated myself for it. I had so much disgust for myself that I wouldn't go out, and frankly it took a hell of a lot for even my good friends to deal with the looks and the stares that I would get when I would go out. It got to the point where the only places I WOULD go were BBW (polite way of saying fat chick) events and out with my best friend and my brother. I hardly ever left the house, and when I did I rarely enjoyed myself because I was so worried about what everyone else was thinking that I couldn't relax enough to enjoy myself.
Early in the spring of 2001 a friend of mine had a RNY. When she first went through it, all I could think was that she was taking the easy way out, that she could lose the weight if she really tried, after all isn't that what I thought about myself? So as I watched her battle I realized that it wasn't nearly as easy as I had thought. And it wasn't even that what she was doing was so hard on her. She really didn't commit to doing what she needed to do to get where she needed to be. She didn't change her eating habits, she didn't avoid foods that were bad for her and she was terrible about taking her supplements and eating the protein she needed. I started researching to help her out and decided that it was something that might work well for me.
The more research that I did the more I realized that the RNY wasn't going to do for me what I would need it to. If I was going to take such a drastic step and choose to have a surgery that would alter my digestive system and help me lose weight, I didn't want any chance I would gain it back, I wanted to make sure it would work, and that I was getting the bang for my buck so to speak. After a couple months of research, I decided on the DS, a more invasive surgery that typically yielded better results in people that were more severely overweight.
No surgeons in IL did the surgery so I started doing the research on surgeons outside of the area. I decided I needed to have the surgery done LAP which in hind sight was unnecessary but I will get to that more later. I chose Dr. Elariny in Washington DC (Virginia actually) and starting the process.
The insurance battles are unreal, the waiting is unbearable, and it all pays out in the end. What I wasn't expecting is how hard it is emotionally to lose that amount of weight. The emotional battle you go through waiting for the surgery, putting your life on hold, not wanting to do anything until you start losing weight, not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone, not wanting to have anything happen until you are FINALLY normal, it's a terrible feeling and one I will never forget. And then, all of a sudden the wait is over and you actually have to go through with it.
Sitting in the waiting room of the hospital I have never wanted to bolt from a place and hide more in my entire life. I sat there sobbing in my mothers shoulder about how scared I was. Was I doing the right thing, was I taking the easy way out, maybe I should just try one more diet, maybe I should do just one more thing, what if I didn't wake up, had I said everything to everyone I needed to, and what do I do if I didn't. I was scared to death, I have never felt uncertainty like that since then, and lord knows I hope I never do again. Turns out I made the right decision but I wasn't so sure at first, that's for damn sure.
The first few months after surgery were agony, I have talked a bit about it at the bottom of this page, but it's not fun. Don't let anyone make you think this is easy. I was sick ALL the time, I puked at least twice a day for almost 6 months, nothing I ate sat right, I was constantly sick to my stomach, and my need to hide from the world only got worse. I turned into such a recluse that I never saw anyone anymore. I cut myself off from almost everyone in my life. The guy I was seeing broke up with me because I was losing too much weight, my friends couldn't deal with my insecurities and even my brother was having a hard time dragging me out of the house. I had excess skin everywhere, I was skinny enough that I SHOULD have been able to do more things, but I was so afraid that I wouldn't do them.
The skin was the worst thing, I looked like a circus freak. I used to be famous for saying "they shouldn't have fat ladies at the freak show, they should have the 400 lb lady that lost 150 lbs." Even a year into it, when I had lost 100 lbs and should have felt better than I had since I was 15, with the amount of skin I had hanging in unnatural ways I wouldn't even leave the house. That is when I decided to push the issue and go see a plastic surgeon. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you won't need to have skin removed. If you have spent any time at all overweight and are over the age of 18, give up, just find a good PS now, it will save you the hassle later.
I went with a recommendation from another WLS patient for my first PS (Plastic Surgeon). Turns out that was one of the biggest mistakes I could possibly have made. He botched up my Paniculectomy so badly that I had to have it redone less than a year later. I had complications from it, the hospital itself was TERRIBLE, and I had all kinds of infection from it. Needless to say that was less than fun.
My current PS is a genius, he is so wonderful and gentle, and kind, and realistic that I just love him. The secret of life is to have a good PS I am convinced of it. Shortly after my disaster with my first PS (Dr. Cohen at UIC by the way, don't EVER go see him), I went to Dr. Fenner at Evanston NW Healthcare. He has given me my life back. My first surgery was a disaster, humiliating, and painful. While the rest have all been painful, none of them have been a disaster or humiliating, and I owe that all to Dr. Fenner and his great staff.
Lilly the insurance nurse is a doll, Gretta the Physicians Assistant is one of the nicest people I have ever met, and Ann, not sure of her exact title but she is amazing too! I have had two surgeries with them and wouldn't dream of going anywhere else (unless I win one of those ultimate makeovers, then I guess I will go with the Hollywood Big Wigs). Anyway, you get the jist, I love my PS and he is wonderful.
Today I have lost, wait, let me weigh in... ouch, 225 lbs, maybe I should have said no to that Oreo ice cream that was calling me, but I fluctuate between 175 and 185 depending on the day, how bloated I am, and what time of day I weigh myself. (Making mental note to hit the gym tomorrow). I have gone from a size 32 that was a bit too tight, and now I am in a size 12, I actually have one suit that is a size 8 that I never wear because it is ugly as sin but I had to get it just to say I own an 8! I exercise regularly, I do yoga once a week, was in softball over the summer, learned to roller blade, have even started running on occasion, can you believe that, I actually RUN, and more than a block! My 7th grade gym teacher that used to make fun of me for not being able to run the mile can kiss my lilly white Irish ass at this point =)~
So rounding back to the beginning of this babble fest, the other day I ran into my ex that dumped me cuz I lost too much weight. Ironically he was with some girl that was maybe in a size 16, yep thats right boys and girls, a size 22 was too small but someone that is in two sizes bigger than me now apparently is just fine. Oh well, anyway, I am so better off without him, because to him I was a shell. It wasn't me he was with for three years, but the idea of who he wanted me to be. And while I respect the fact that if I was dating someone that GAINED 200 lbs I don't know how well I would handle that, I can't get over how that works. Anyway, for the first time since my surgery I really saw the new me.
Through his eyes, I saw a successful professional woman, who had the confidence and flair of any other socialite walking down Michigan Avenue. I saw a woman with her head held high, in a fitted suit, with high heals on, who loves to be noticed. A girl who likes to flirt, and feels pretty most days when she looks in the mirror. I saw someone who would never look back and say, I wish I would have had the guts to do this or that, because, wow, she does it. Someone who takes risks, will walk up to strangers at bars and kiss them, just because she likes their smile, or the way they look at her. Someone who helps her friends with how to pick up guys, someone who is happy. And you know what? He had no idea who she was.
At least not until she spoke, as I apologized for bumping into someone (that I didn't even notice, gosh is that a nice feeling), he stopped dead in his tracks. At that point I realized who it was and stopped as well. He looked at me funny and I said that I needed to watch where I was going rather than being in such a hurry, JUST to see if he would figure it out. He did and the look of awe on his face was unreal. He stammered a introduction to his girlfriend who was very nice and very pretty. I had no jealousy, I had no twangs of what used to be, because for the first time, I saw what the rest of the world did.
I saw Jeny, not the fat chick that everyone made fun of in high school, not the girl who was afraid to dance because she couldn't make it through a song, but the new me, and I realized that I have everything I have ever wanted. I finally have me.
January 17, 2003
OK, so I desperately need to update this page. There are links at the bottom, and lots has happened since then. The pictures tell that tale, but for now, I am happier and healthier than I have ever been. I have had 2 Plastic Surgeries, and am having another in a few days. I would do it all over again, and if you have any specific questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. You can find my contact info on the contact me page. I will try to get to this soon.
August 24, 2001
Ok, here I am at 4 weeks post op today. It was a long hard road, and eventually I will get this posted to my site. Right now, I am just going to work on getting it all down on paper. I guess I should start with the few days before surgery.
2 days before surgery:
My 28th birthday, I worked that day, got out early to pack and get my stuff together before flying to DC. I got home did a load of laundry and packed very quickly thinking I can't believe that I am actually doing this...
My brother and two of my friends took me out to dinner and drinks. I had a steak that was disappointing, and they brought me a brownie with a candle in it while they sang me happy birthday. Turns out the brownie had nuts in it and I hate nuts so I couldn't eat it anyway. Oh well. Then we hit my favorite Irish pub and had a few drinks before heading home. I had to be at the airport at 7:15 the next morning so we didn't stay out too late.
At the airport I had a caramel machiatto (sp) and I have been craving one ever since. May try to do a skim one eventually. The flight was uneventful, and I arrived at the hotel in Tysons Corner, VA at about 1 PM. Surprisingly enough I wasn't hungry at all until then. There were Famous Amos Chocolate Chip cookies on the table in a welcome pack and I wanted them so bad I had to hide them. =) After that I watched TV for a while, talked to some friends let them know I had arrived ok, and then it was time to start the magnesium citrate cocktail hour.
I drank it at about 3:30pm. I had it in the freezer from when I got to the hotel till then. I poured about 3/4 of the bottle in one of the tumbler glasses and just downed it like it was a bad hard liquor that everyone was cheering me on to down. It went down fairly easily in those terms. Then I went to finish the bottle. Ok, now it was bad. Hard to swallow that last gulp. And I still had a bottle to go. I had to wait a while to do the second bottle. Chased it with Apple Juice. Bout 10 minutes later I was able to finish it off. I sat and waited for about 45 minutes expecting to any minute go sit on the toilet and not move for 4 hours. When nothing happened I decided to go lay down for a bit till it kicked in. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8 PM when my mother called to tell me she was at the airport and on her way to the hotel. I did go to the bathroom about 6 times that evening. The thing with it was, it was completely liquid. It was like pouring water in the toilet. (Sorry so descriptive, but I wish someone had told me cuz it freaked me out). I finally figured out it was every time I had something to drink, it would come out within 5 minutes. So I stopped drinking. Probably not a good idea. But it worked for me.
My family arrived, and a few hours later we all hit the hay for the night before surgery. The day before surgery was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. And the mag citrate wasn't nearly as bad as I thought either. All in all I was still kicking and ready to go.
Day of surgery:
We got lost on the way to the hospital, it took us almost an hour and a half to go what should have taken us 10 minutes. Very frustrating. Finally arriving at the hospital, I am a nervous wreck, feeling like I am going to throw up, and thinking I had changed my mind and didn't want to do this anymore. Finally find the surgery people and I get my little cubby. At Fairfax hospital their pre surgery area is similar to most hospital's ER. There is a curtain separating the different beds and there is barely enough room for the stretcher. I didn't want my mom to leave my side and was really scared at this point. I was crying and didn't know what to do. I really didn't want to do it anymore. But I knew I had to, not to mention the amount of money my family and I had spent to get this far. There was no turning back now. The anesthesiologist came in and put the IV in himself cuz I told him I was a difficult stick. I had been reading the Prepare for Surgery Heal Faster book, and they have healing statements for the anesthesiologist to say while you are going under. He wasn't familiar with them but his nurse was. She took them and said she would be glad to say them as well as turn my CD player on and off for me. She made me feel great. I was worried I would feel really stupid asking but she made it sound completely routine. I was very relieved. I started to yawn and get so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I thought for sure there HAD to be something wrong with me and that started another crying jag. How could I be falling asleep, I am having this huge surgery, it's life changing, I may even die theoretically and I can't even keep my eyes open. Well later I found out that they had given me something to calm me down. Well it kind of backfired because I was so panicked that I was falling asleep. I felt like I was drowning, struggling for the surface. It was awful. As soon as you get there, make sure to tell them to tell you if they give you anything. I fell asleep saying goodbye to my family as they were wheeling me to the OR.
I woke up in the recovery room ABSOLUTELY SURE something went TERRIBLY AWFULLY WRONG. I was in so much pain, and I couldn't breathe. They kept saying that I was scaring them because of my breathing, and to try to take big deep breaths. I believe I told them to go to hell. I couldn't even take shallow breaths without being in agonizing pain, how could they possibly expect me to take deep breaths? I was miserable. And that kept up for the next 6 hours or so. I was in recovery for about 3.5 hours. The surgery only took 2. My breathing was getting worse, the pain in my stomach was terrible. They had me sitting up, I believe because of my breathing, but I just remember begging them to lie me down more so that it didn't hurt so much. When I got up to my room my mom told me they were going to take me to X Ray and had they done that already? I didn't know what she was talking about and asked her what X Ray was. At that point they figured that I was probably going to sleep all night and not wake up or at least not remember any of it so they left for the night after a long 8 hours at the hospital.
I woke up about 3 hours later in a complete panic that they were gone. The nurses didn't know where they were, nobody did. I had no way to get a hold of them, my parents cell phone was long distance so I didn't think I could call it from the hosp, it was bad. So that created more stress. Finally they called me at like 9 pm. I had been awake for about an hour and a half and sobbed which hurt so bad I thought I would die. Then the nausea set in.
They gave me some medicine for it that knocked me out. I was getting breathing treatments every couple hours, and was too weak to hold the mouth piece, but they used a mask and it really did help. I didn't sleep hardly at all that night. And the nausea just got worse. By the next morning I was gagging.
Then Cheryl got there. I love Cheryl. She was the day nurse, and she had just had part of the surgery 4 weeks before me. She was the best. She was sympathetic, helpful without making you feel helpless, and a great ally. She changed my nausea meds twice, and even prevented them from pumping my stomach at one point. She found me a gown that actually FIT and she sat and talked to me when she could. Phenegran by the way, if you are nauseas in the hospital ask for it right away. Then came X Ray.
Let me just explain that the X Ray situation was the absolute WORST I could imagine. The first time they get me out of bed is with a transporter guy that that didn't speak English couldn't find a wheel chair that I would fit in and a nurse that forgot to tie up my drain tube so it started to tear from my body. Needless to say I was a little perturbed. Once I get to X Ray and they get me standing on the table thingy I think I am going to throw up again. Then the tech shoves the barium in my face and tells me to drink 16 oz of it. ALL at once. I take some sips and start to gag, he yells at me seriously raised his voice telling me to drink it faster. So I sat there fighting with the X Ray guy, while I tried to stay standing. He was yelling at me, I was gagging all in all a horrendous experience. THEN, they lay me down on the table (keep in mind I can't breathe). Leave my button for my PCA pump on the other side of the room out of reach, and leave me there for over an hour. I was literally crying and trying to call for someone to help me, but I couldn't breathe so I couldn't yell loud enough for anyone to breathe me.
Finally someone heard me and gave me my button. They also sat me up some so that I could breathe. Then they told me I could go back to my room, and would have to come back in a few hours. It seemed that the barium wasn't moving quickly enough through my system and they needed to wait a few hours. That did NOT make me happy. I was not ready to go through that all over again. I went back to my room, got washed up, and midway through that I started gagging again. Back to bed, but at least they had taken the catheter out. Few hours later it was back again. Then they told me I had to go back one more time at 11 that night. My blood Oxygen level was very low. My respiratory nurse was furious with the X Ray people and it was some of the hardest hours of my life.
The next day was much better. I was breathing better, and able to drink so my dry mouth was going away slowly but surely. I got up and walked a couple times that day, and wanted to take a shower but they wouldn't let me. That day was much easier although I was still very nauseous and was on oxygen still. Jello made me sick, and I had to water down all the juices they gave me. Nothing seemed to sit right, but water was ok.
It got better every day after that. It was amazing how much better I felt every day. By my 6th day post op, I was going to Mt Vernon and sightseeing. I wasn't napping, and my incisions had almost completely healed.
The plane home was tough. It seems I have developed motion sickness. Then it was a matter of adjusting to the eating, which has proved to be harder than I thought. But it gets easier all the time. I am now 4 weeks, itching to exercise, and feel great! I have been to ball games, shopping, and walk every day.
I will write more about the recovery and the food issues another time. Hopefully I will have pictures this week. Till then ta ta!
July 14, 2001
After years of swearing I would never do something that drastic I have finally decided to let go of things I cannot change so to speak. After dozens and dozens of failed diet attempts I have topped out at a weight that is not healthy. I am about 383 with a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 53.81. I need to do something about it. And I don't EVER want to fight this battle again. Soooooooo, I started reading up about WLS and this is the conclusion I came to.
The procedure called the Duodenal Switch is the best surgery option for me. Unfortunately I live in Chicago, and for some very odd reason, they don't do the DS in Chicago. They have RNY surgeons, they have VGB surgeons. No DS surgeons. So I had to find a surgeon that I wanted to travel to and decide if it was worth it to me. After a lot of research, I decided I would do what it took to have the DS. I felt it was a better quality of life, post op, and the side effects that were of concern I felt were things I could deal with relatively easily. Not to mention the chances of ever gaining the weight back are very slim due to the malabsorptive factor. Below see the link to the obesityhelp.com site listing of all of the different surgeries.
Like I said, I choose the DS. There was absolutely no question for me. I felt that the procedure was hands down the best leaving the actually plumbing of the stomach in tact, and not creating a new outlet. I thought that was asking for trouble. So, I spent months on this website reading everything I could about it. I joined email lists all over. The people there were of great help when I was making my various decisions and I couldn't have made nearly the informed decision that I have without them. Below is the DS information website. Also a link to join all the email lists that I found about the DS.
Duodenal Switch Information Zone
Dr. Elariny's Patient's Email Group
Generic DS List, smaller than the DS Main List
Result Group good for researching
Other WLS Links I think could help
Association for Morbid Obesity Support
The Story of Surgery for Obesity
The Faces of Weight Loss Surgery Webring
Homepage Olwen’s Links on Obesity Surgery Olwen’s Links on Obesity Surgery Olwen’s Links on Obesity Surgery Olwen’s Links on Obesity Surgery Olwen’s Links on Obesity Surgery
Body Mass Index Calculator (ASBS)
The Physiology of Morbid Obesity
Plastic Surgery after Massive Weight Loss
Obesity Law and Advocacy Center
American Society for Bariatric Surgery (ASBS)
WLS Publications You May Find Helpful
Beyond Change - Information Regarding Obesity and Obesity Surgery
A Complete Guide to Obesity Surgery
Prepare for Surgery-Heal Faster
Well that's all the information I have for now. I will post more as my journey continues.